• Loviya

To the husband who no longer finds their wife attractive

A friend of mine once said, “Marriage is the graveyard of love and romance”. Married couples, especially after a few years, will know what this means; as you see each other day in day out, there is a familiar and routine feel to your lives with each other. The budding romance, sweetness of your courtship days, and honeymoon period of your early marriage are long gone, and it can be very difficult, or impossible, to recapture those feelings. Kids can make matters worse; it can feel as if you are co-workers sharing the workload of child rearing, rather than soulmates and life partners. Many would say this is when your relationship has gone stale and lost its spark, and you don’t find each other that attractive (physically and inner beauty-wise) anymore.

As a guy, I am not qualified to speak for the wife, but for the husband, the above can lead to indifference and complacency towards your wife, and in worst case scenarios, extramarital affairs and divorce. This is something that me, similar to many other husbands, will need to deal with, albeit to varying degrees.

A husband will need to deal with such issues, if they arise, in his own way, and based on the specific circumstances. Nevertheless, we hope the general pointers below will be useful to you, as a husband, in finding your wife attractive, or even more attractive, again.

Your wife is a reflection of how you treat her. It is common to hear that the woman who falls in love is the prettiest of all. A good and caring husband is the best cosmetic for his wife. Simple things like helping out in the household chores, taking care of the kids and other areas will allow your wife more time and energy to take care of herself. She may even doll herself up more, and will appear more radiant and contented. Simple acts of love and concern, such as a hug, peck on the cheek, or a compliment, can also help make her look and feel more beautiful. If possible, arrange for someone to take care of the kids, and bring her on a date just like during your courtship days.

Often, after giving birth to the kids, your wife may experience physical changes to her body. By providing a listening ear, a word of compliment or reassurance, or going through her postnatal dieting and exercise plan with her, you can help her overcome her insecurities and regain her confidence.

Think that your kids are the most beautiful and adorable in the world? A large part of them comes from your wife, who nourishes them inside her for 9 months, gives birth to them, and continues to love and care for them in a way only mothers can. Look at your wife from this perspective, and you will start to see the beautiful side of her you probably don't know or realize before. And therein lies the important part – your wife’s attractiveness is by no means only about the physical looks; her inner beauty i.e. love and devotion to the family, character and personality, is just as important, if not more important.

Many women (and men) love pleasant surprises, and your wife is probably no exception. The list of possible surprises is endless, and many of them won't take much time and effort. Waking up earlier to prepare breakfast, getting off work earlier to fetch her from office, or buying her favourite bubble tea on the way home can make her smile again like a little girl for many days to come.

Amid the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, many men, me included, tend to forget, or almost forget, those special dates (anniversary, birthdays). Much as they may seem otherwise, many women do care about such dates and the meaning they carry. Set reminders for yourself of such dates, and a simple celebration, or if time allows, something more elaborate like deco in the house or a customized gift commemorating the occasion, can bring back the romantic feel again.

Many husbands love their wives, just that overtime, this can become less obvious due to other commitments and distractions. With some awareness, initiative and effort, you can rekindle memories of how and why you were attracted to your wife in the first place, and see her in a whole new, and more beautiful, light, creating a virtuous cycle of love and attraction in the process.

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